Friday, December 31, 2010

2011: Happy New Year!

I am now taking ideas for New Year's resolutions.
You may post here, text me, or post on my facebook. :)

One year, I counted every piece of gum I chewed. I think I have a blog post about it, but I'm too lazy to look it up....but it was A LOT.

So throw your confetti
blow your sound-makers
take your pictures
down your drinks
kiss your loved ones/strangers
dance your booty off
and yell at the top of your lungs

because we've got 365 days to take on again. Let's start it off right, together.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

"Something has changed within me.

Something is not the same."

Up until this break, I had taken any step to relish my childhood.
I wanted to "be forever young."
I had the spirit of a child.
But something has transformed.

I have less fear of the future. I have less fear of wanting it to be here quickly.
I now want to work toward the future.
I'm stopping this reminiscent tom-foolery.

It's exciting.
I no longer feel like a child.
I am coming into my own.
I still believe that part of "genius is carrying the spirit of childhood into maturity" and I strive to live as such.
But, with the help of the Lord, I have the power to shape my future. It is endless possibilities.
It is exciting. And scary. And I want to venture into that unknown. Weird. :)

Keep me in your prayers.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Sunday, December 12, 2010


There is hope.
There is hope in the words of others.
There is hope in the Word.

Jesus loves me!
And I relearn it so often.
He is all I need.
He is all I need!
HE is the One.

I'm in love.
I'm in love with Him.

And I'm still learning.
I feel as though I'm starting preschool
all over again.

His hand is in this, it must be.
Through frustration, through feelings of distance, through apathy, through anger, through tears, through anger, through feelings of distance, through frustration, through tears, through apathy;
He will still reach my heart.
Even if He has to rock my world to get me to pay attention.

He deserves it all.
He deserves my all.

I lay at Your feet, Lord.
Pick me up, spin me around, make my world.
I delight.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

I've come to enjoy

dressing for cold weather.

The past year or so I thought I had become a normally "warm" person,
but now I feel the need to wear more to keep myself from feeling chilled.

I think my skin tone is also better suited for colder climates.
I love my pale skin
and deep colored, warm clothes.

Some days I like to sport the "Snow Bunny" look (wow, I just looked that up on google images and that is NOT exactly what I mean, haaa).
When I think Snow Bunny, I think long sleeves, deep denim, fuzzy boots, fluffy hair, cute winter coat, scarf, gloves, ear muffs- you name it.

Ah, the Christmas season.
It makes me think of going snowboarding-
then I remember that it kind of scares me.
Dream on!

.walking in a winter wonderland.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Some people

you just can't get through to.

The wall was up, refusing to be broken down, or even glanced over.
You are creating it. It's all in your head. It doesn't have to be, but it is forced to be.
And it's sad.
But there is more freedom in this choice for me.
And it can be an opportunity for growth for you.

This decision was not an easy one at all.
But I began to realize it wasn't because I was being considerate of another, it was because I was being ruled by another. And that is unacceptable.

Clinging to the next thing or person will continue this path.
Holding idols of wanted future things; God may rip them from you.
Though you try so hard, those things are not in your control.
I worry for your sake.

.abre los ojos.
.abre las manos.
.permite vivir.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

To cross

means pain, but
to cross means progress.

I've been behind this fence so long.
Thinking so much of and for others.
It's time for me to consider moving forward.
For me.
For my life.


Wednesday, December 1, 2010

La vida.

We're born.
We go to school to gain knowledge.
We gain knowledge to get a job.
We get a job to support ourselves and be able to send our kids to college.
So they can get knowledge.
So they can get a job and support their families.

What a nasty cycle.
I do and don't want a part in it.

There are some days I just want to become a gypsy.
I'd float from place to place
meeting a lot of cool people
living frugally
not worrying about paying a heating bill
or getting the oil changed in the car
or investing money.
Just- live day to day.

Actually trust God for once.

moneymoneymoney, I spit on you.
..Then I wipe it off :(

I'm such a product of the system.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

This is the first year

that I have gotten in the Christmas spirit
simply to lift my mood and help me push through.

I listen to carols.
I decorate.
I daydream of a warm, cozy house with a lit up tree.
I look forward to spending time with my brother, parents, and friends.

I am making a list of things to do during break. I must make the most of it.
It will be excellent.
It must, it must.

.although it's been said many times, many ways: merry you.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Good-bye Larry.

You were a good uncle.

I won't forget how you mowed your lawn in such straight lines

Or built that target for us kids to practice throwing a football through

That you loved gardening so much

That you were usually quiet, but when you did speak it was kind or funny

That you loved the 'tube

Your suspenders.

Nov, 29th, 2010.
R.I.P. Rest with Jesus.

Saturday, November 27, 2010



What to do,
what to do.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

It has been proven:

there IS an "I" in team.

This goes out too all you coaches that are tyrannical
and, well

Teamwork is not only good, it's great.
But the individual players matter too.

PS- You also say it's not all about winning, but you're actions speak otherwise. Adolescents want congruency: you are letting them down.

PPS- You have a great ability to have a positive impact. it, all right?

Friday, November 19, 2010

I am not a performing monkey.

I only have so many talents, so many hours and so much energy.
You can pull at me from this direction
and you in that,
but I refuse to be torn apart.
I will remain intact.
I will do what I want and I will do what is needed.

You ask me for help, you ask to talk, you ask for a hug, you ask for a favor, you ask for my time
I want to give it to you, I do.
So I do.
Then the next person asks as well.
So I do.
Eventually, I lose track of my goals because I'm making sure everyone else is comfortable.
And the crazy thing is:

I DO have the ability to say "no."

I feel selfish enough as it is.
But I do all this for others.
And I just want some "me time."
And others to care back. Care back and realize that sometimes I need to focus on me and let it not be selfishly.


Wednesday, November 17, 2010

If we flavor-colored our snowmen in the winter

we'd have so many standing snow cones!

Kids would come from miles around and attach their faces to the flavory goodness.
They would get stomach aches.
Heck, they'd get frost-bitten lips-
not to mention the flu from little Tommy down the street who was working on the snowman's booty beforehand.

But hey! Wouldn't that be great?

[replace the ho! ho! ho! with some OM NOM NOM.]

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

It's about time to

I just want to go home,
I just want to get away.
I want to have time to think [not worry] about the important things in life.
I don't want to always wake up early,
run around all day like a chicken with its head cut off,
then hit the pillow for a bit to recoup,
just to wake up again to the hustle and bustle.

I want to enjoy life: breathe it in and then out and SAVOR it.

I want out of the system.

I want out of the system!

.I need to make a list of priorities.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Ah, science. just shouldn't.

Saturday, November 13, 2010


can be so flattering.

I enjoy clever people.

Use what you got, yeah.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

I looked all cute

but had nowhere to go.

This made me feel good,
that I dressed up for me.

It also made me feel as though I was missing something-
that I should've been somewhere else.

I pray on, ya'll.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Newly discovered pet peeve:

people who scuffle as they walk.

It's like they don't understand the concept of picking up their feet completely to take steps.
Instead, we get to hear the soles of their shoes skid against the ground with every

Maybe this doesn't bother other people.
But I have this strange kind of sensitive hearing that some little sounds just resonate in my ears really, really well.
(like scuffling feet)
and I just want it to end.

Stop being lazy ya'll.
Pick up those feet.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

I was born to die,

that the Son may live.

I am daily trying to get my head around that
...and I need His help.

Monday, October 25, 2010

I have been daydreaming

about my future apartment/house.
And I am way excited about having one!

Here's what I have been thinking:
everything eclectic, new and old
various colors that are true
random cultural treasures from other countries
dishes and mugs that don't match
many secondhand items and furniture
a wall covered in brightly colored decorative plates
lots of house plants that I will enjoy watering
a parakeet that makes silly noises that I will giggle at
a couple of cats that are affectionate (get them off the farm, ya'll)
maybe a dog (future spouse will dictate this. and take care of it.)

And I will dress up and do classy things some nights.
Others, I will slip on my sweatpants and watch a film, all bundled up on the couch.
Man, that sounds good.

(Oy, I hope this doesn't effect my grades).

Saturday, October 23, 2010

It's good to realize that

I need to just chill.
Brain, give me a break.
Thinking things through is good,
but not this overkill I experience too often.
I also don't want to push things away-
emotions should be dealt with in a timely matter or

-random breakdown that seems out of control.

I don't want to plan my life.
Hey God- I'm not planning my life too much, am I? ...Are you laughing?


Monday, October 18, 2010

I strongly dislike

my time being wasted.
When I am stuck waiting somewhere with nothing productive to do, and I have things I should be getting done.
(Note: I'm certainly not anti "being lazy" when there is nothing to do,
but during the school year, I can ALWAYS be doing something.)

So tonight, much of my time was wasted.
And I was frustrated from earlier happenings.
And I had no control over the situation.
And it would have been rude for me to leave.

This was a musical situation, so I found myself dancing all over. I had to express something or I would get really upset.
And then, I felt it:
I felt the need to sing.
Not because I love to sing:

because I nEEDed to sing.

I had pent up energy and creativity.
I could do nothing else. I wanted to let it out.
I felt the blues. I felt the minor.
I wanted to write a song.

I wanted to write a song.

I wanted, to write a song.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

The tips of my fingers

on my left hand no longer feel.
The callouses are building.
The sensitivity is long gone.
I have given it up
for the yearning to learn guitar.

Progress is going pretty well.
Strumming is natural because I am a drummer, a dancer, and I've been around some sweet guitarists for most of my life.
I can play a lot of chords-
even with just the basics, I can play a ton of songs.
I have lately taken to Taylor Swift.
(Dude, I thought "Our Song" old song. But nope, it was Taaay!).

Though I have learned many chords
I've come to learn that I don't really have a knack for writing songs.
At least not yet.
If this continues I shall be very sad.

Until then, I shall strum along.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

I beg of you.

stop making your children grow up so fast.
Protect their innocence.
Do not keep them ignorant,
but let them understand at a child's rate.

Don't cover them in make up.
Don't let them watch whatever is on television.
Don't make them do all of your household duties.
Don't make them the babysitter every time.
Don't let them live with no discipline.
Don't elect them "man" or "woman" of the house.
Because they are not beyond adolescence.

Don't rob them of childhood.

Teach them manners.
Teach them creativity.
Teach them discipline and flexibility.
Teach them new things everyday.
Show them curiosity.
Show them how to live. Don't be a hypocrite.
Let them learn social skills.
Let them learn it's OK to be themselves.

Take an interest.
Take the time.
Invest in their future. It is now.

"Bring back the childhood of my youth"

Monday, September 27, 2010

I may return home

this weekend.
I need to drop off some things
I need to pick up some things
and the good Lord knows I have dirty laundry (thanks Madre!).

I look forward to my country escape;
where the air is cleaner
the stars are brighter
and sound is quieter.

Poppy will be harvesting,
but I will get some time with him.
I will sit alongside him in the combine
and I will love every moment.

I will visit Grandpa.
He is so old
and so wonderfully beautiful.
He has supported me my entire life.
His eyes sparkle when I enter the room.
He makes me so very happy- I must see him!

I will chill with Madre.
It's time for some good ol' girl time!
I will pull her away from doing the books
and we shall have fun and catch up on life.
Giggles will abound and Poppy will smirk at his silly girls.

Oh home. Come back to me.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Have you ever napped outdoors?

When the temperature was juuuust right?
When you didn't even need a blanket to cover up with because the atmosphere was just lovely?
I have.
It is glorious. and earthy. and mmm.
I usually find a nice place under a tree
grab a comfy blanket
and lay on down.

But the truth is, when it comes down to it,
I'm more of an indoorsy person.

Though I love nature and appreciate the outdoors
I am much more comfortable indoors.

I don't have to worry about my skin being eaten by the sun, for instance.
Or bugs crawling on me beyond their welcome.
And I don't like having to shower several times a day (hot days can be blehck for this normally warmer-than-average girl).

I would never rid my life of the outdoors though.
I love discovering new plants
climbing on rocks and trees
walking through streams
and feeling sunshine on my shoulders (thank you, John Denver).

It is glorious. I do get my fill.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

There are some things

that I am just not good at.

Making change.
Doing math in my head.
Remembering names (see below).
Drawing well.
Wake-boarding/water skiing.
Killing anything.
Lying (though I try to never ever do this anyway).
Writing songs (tragedy).
Watching serious movies (takes soooo much effort).
Remembering what I need to get done/where I need to go without writing it down.
Parking in tight spaces.
Understanding chemistry.
Not asking questions (I am so darn curious).
And solving rubix cubes.

And I'm ok with it.
God has gifted me many other ways.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010


If yo name is:
or any alternative spelling of any of these names
I will probably have an issue remembering your name.
It's not that you aren't worth knowing.
That's not it at all.
It's just that I know about 8 other girls by that name already and my brain capacity is resisting adding another.
So forgive me if I ask 3 times.
And maybe tell me a really weird fact about yourself
so then I can mentally store you as "girl who drinks her juice out of bowls" rather than Katie #9.

Note: There are more names that should be on this list
but hence, I cannot remember them.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Used and thrown away.

I love throwing things away.
It makes me feel like I am simplifying my life by getting rid of all the extra.
The broken
the torn
the faded
the unacceptable, beyond repair (or beyond my style).
By filling a trash bag, I then get to throw that out-
and all that junk is out of my life, out of my way.
A new bag replaces it and I feel a silly sense of accomplishment.

I am uncertain about recycling.
Though I feel good about setting aside certain things that I believe will be recycled, I'm not always sure what will and what won't be accepted.
I don't know where my recyclables go, or if they're even being recycled with the utmost efficiency.
I put my items aside, taking the time and energy, and I hope for the best.
On the other hand, I am more likely to buy something that is made from recycled materials than not. Even if it's a bit more expensive.
I like to help the environment.
I also like to feel like I don't something good.
And, well....being environmentally friendly is hip, yo.

I adore donating things to secondhand stores.
I know that these are going to a good cause (like Goodwill)
and if they don't like my items, it's their issue to throw it away (guilt freeeee!).

I love buying things from secondhand stores.
Those stores are filled with hidden treasures.
Cheap, unique, sometimes old, hidden treasures.
And vintage clothing. I lahf the vintage clothing.

We gotta use what we got.
We gotta throw away and recycle what we not.
.represent dah Earth ya'll.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

I just googled

"commitment phobia"
and I fear I may have it.

I hardly give things a chance.
If I do, I quickly find stupid reasons to stop.
I don't like to join things that involve a lot of commitment unless I love it through and through.

I guess this is why I have often thought that I'm not a very ambitious person.
I rarely make goals that I have to work for- unless I'm completely dedicated and passionate.
I fear I may fail.
I fear judgment.
I fear losing myself.
I fear that I fear too much.

I am missing out.

As far as relationships go, I have to feel extremely comfortable
otherwise I feel I am out on a shaky limb of fear that's about to snap.
To avoid that limb, I avoid the tree all together- and I'm tired of it.
Commitment phobia doesn't mean a person doesn't want to love and be loved-
it means they have definite things they need to work through and someone who is supportive.

start and lead a drum line.
allow self to be loved.
love others without worrying so much.
-stop worrying. start living-

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

I was hypnotized tonight

and apparently it was a bit entertaining.

When I went into "deep sleep" the first time
I schlumped over and laid my face on a girl's boobs.

Also, there was a part where a friend of mine had to tell everyone in the "pool" (audience) to get out because there was a shark.

I started sobbing.

I have a phobia of sharks
and I was worried for my friend.
My makeup ran.

I'm glad my friend's OK and that sharks do not actually inhabit auditoriums.

Oh good-sounding suggestions...

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

They're telling me I can't.

"We've tried it before"
"We don't have the resources"
"We need more leadership"
"We have chosen not to support it in the past. If you have any questions, let me know."


Have you seen how determined I am?

I have the passion.
I want to share it and teach others.
I have the resources.
I will lead.
It will try my very hardest.
I will go through the obnoxious paperwork and research.
It will be my project, my "baby."

And hey, I might fail-
but I've never wanted to do something so much like this before.
They told me there was nothing, I may have found something;
they are full of doubt and laziness-
I have to show them there is more-
this is worth it
they will love it.
I will have tried.

.drum line.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

I still sleep

with a bear.
A polar bear, to be exact.
And his name. is Berit.
(Bear-it- heh, get it?).
I have had him since I was about 6 and, let me tell ya,
he's gettin' a bit scruffy.
But I don't want to get rid of him.
(I think he has a hole in his side as well. Boo....!)

Sometimes, to lull myself into slumber, I listen to music.
But not just any kind of music, no sir.
I usually can't listen to things that I know the lyrics to-
'cause I'll just stay awake, mentally singing along in my head
or waiting for "the good parts" and what-have-you.

When I want to fall asleep quickly, I listen to metal music.
It wears me out and I usually don't know what they're saying.



Friday, August 20, 2010

It bugs me that there are

advertisements on the radio and TV that make a habit of saying things like:

"Because you deserve it"
"You owe it to yourself"
"You're worth it"

They have no idea if I deserve it.
I may not owe myself anything.
And how would they know if I'm worth it?

Silly advertisers, trying to get my business by making me feel important.
I see through your games.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Glitz and glam

make me excited sometimes.
Although, I often describe this style as "Gaga" rather than glam.
It makes such a bold fashion statement.
It's confident.
It's in your face, with class.

It wears shoulder pads like slender grandmas in the army.

Some days I like to be glam.
Other days, natural or bohemian.
One day sporty.
The other, vintage.

I love fashion.
But, strangely enough, I hate shopping for clothes...

*the mystery continues*

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

I wish I had more moments

that I cried openly about happy emotional things.
I love crying when I am happy, but it doesn't happen very often.
The only moments I can remember are:

1) my surprise birthday party
2) seeing my parents after being gone 2.5 weeks in Europe
3) seeing Fall Out Boy (my fav band at the time) live
4) a few times I have laughed so hard that I start sobbing (people become concerned on this one).

It's just, tears of happiness are awesome.
I want more.

Make me cry and you may just steal my heart.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

I love others

with whom I can go on random adventures.
That I can do stupid stuff with
and not feel at all silly.
Those people who embrace who I am.
The ones I feel completely comfortable around, even if we're just sitting around.
I slowly find the ability to trust them with myself, with my heart and friendship, and the depth is nearly bottomless.

And those people that aren't that way?
My heart opens even quicker to them;
encouraging them towards my soul.
I wish to understand why we don't completely click.
I want to know what has been different in their lives.
I wish to know, to understand, to be there.
I know I can learn something from them, that they will help me grow,
with or without knowing it.

I know everyone needs love
and my heart abounds with it.

Fear Number 1: that I take those who I am closest to for granted and don't let them know how much I really do care about them and sincerely love them for who they are.
Fear Number 2: that those who I don't instantly feel a connection with will cling to me and force their priority upon me (thus less time and energy to my closest friends).
Fear Number 3: that when this all gets to driving me crazy, I go and just think of myself and make sure I'm happy, which in turn makes me feel selfish.

Truth: I think way deep about many aspects of my life to an almost obsessive level.
Confession: I'm truly am glad I have the ability and the capacity.
Invitation: Come chat with me sometime about your life.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Complementary snacks

are always cool.
Little things to nibble on at events make me happy,
especially if they are cookies.
But I have sometimes wondered:
why do you need a napkin to eat a cookie?
They aren't exactly messy things.

Using that little piece of folded papery may make you look a bit more civilized, but you are wasting resources.

I prefer to eat my cookies without the napkin.
I. am such a barbarian.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Everybody loves a good book.

The kind that really sucks you into the story.
The kind that make you shower faster so you can just get back to those beautiful lines that somehow make you feel a part of something exciting.

The adventure, the relationships, the mystery...
We all wish we lived in those books sometimes.

{i wish there was an 8th Harry Potter.
a 5th Twilight.
another Princess Diaries.
A new series!}

Bring on a new series, baby.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

It bugs me

when people label others by their hair color.
Most specifically: redheads.

It's like the color of their hair makes some people uncomfortable
and those people feel they must speak out against the elephant in their minds.
They must label the person by their hair-
say something witty about how that makes them different.

It's racism. Is there a legit word for that?...

Get over yourselves, people.
Redheads are just as unique as you.

Stop yelling "ginger," for goodness sake...

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Sometimes, when presented with a new space

my mind buzzes with possibilities of how to use it.

I must hold my body back from running around

[my friends can witness to this. sometimes I just dance around and do odd things. {this} is my explanation.]

I especially have this problem whenever I step on a stage or large wooden floor.

I suddenly think I can tap and hip hop it up like a pro.
I want to sing something important and steal hearts.
I want to {inspire.}
I want to take control and use it.

I think my body is trying to tell me something.

But, it's time to go to work now.
{sometimes the floors are greasy and I can practice my moonwalk.
please don't disown me.}

Monday, July 19, 2010

When I am old

I will still be sexy.

You just wait.


Monday, July 12, 2010

I'm discovering

that I don't need to earn love.
I don't need to push it away.

I should not fear it
or put it on a pedestal.

I don't need to search for perfection.
I don't need to be perfection.

People do fail. Them, me.
But love wills more.
To overcome. To be something special.
A lovely union.

A gift of God.

But for now, I spend time with my Creator.
He'll show me things I never knew.
Will romance me like no one else can.
Will help me grow to be the woman He created me to be.
I love Him.
He loves me.
That's all there is to it.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

I like the idea

that pets are "practice babies."
Have you ever heard of this concept?

Though I'm nowhere near wanting to have a child yet, I do kind of want my own pet(s).
In my own place.

I want to pick a little fluffy monster.

I guess this thought was spurred by visiting 3 animal adoption centers yesterday.

Bad idea.

Certain critters catch your eye and just latch onto your heart!
So here's to you, big tabby with the steady stare;
One day, you and your cohorts will have homes.
I will own all of you.

Only, not.
Vet bills are expensive and I don't want to be "the crazy cat lady."

[dogs are acceptable too. i just first gravitate toward the felines, my own kind. mrrrow]