Wednesday, September 8, 2010

I just googled

"commitment phobia"
and I fear I may have it.

I hardly give things a chance.
If I do, I quickly find stupid reasons to stop.
I don't like to join things that involve a lot of commitment unless I love it through and through.

I guess this is why I have often thought that I'm not a very ambitious person.
I rarely make goals that I have to work for- unless I'm completely dedicated and passionate.
I fear I may fail.
I fear judgment.
I fear losing myself.
I fear that I fear too much.

I am missing out.

As far as relationships go, I have to feel extremely comfortable
otherwise I feel I am out on a shaky limb of fear that's about to snap.
To avoid that limb, I avoid the tree all together- and I'm tired of it.
Commitment phobia doesn't mean a person doesn't want to love and be loved-
it means they have definite things they need to work through and someone who is supportive.

start and lead a drum line.
allow self to be loved.
love others without worrying so much.
-stop worrying. start living-

1 comment:

Amanda Jane said...

I identify with this...but I would like to couple it with a thought that i was planning on blogging about anyway...
I don't really commit to things unless I KNOW I want to...but I don't think it's commitment phobia...
read my newest blog for more :)

today's word verification: Guncis
a word parents use for mucus when talking to children under the age of 5.