After my 2-hour workout today, I realized that I have many recurring thoughts in the gym:
-Finally here. Sometimes it's a pain to get myself here, but I always feel so much better once I'm going!
-Who is this now on the machine next to me? Don't know them. OK. No need for pleasantries and small talk. Eye contact- just give a polite smile. Now, back to burning those calories!
-Wow. That girl is all schlumped over and trying way too hard on the elliptical.
-Just because those shorts/capris were manufactured to be worn during workouts does not mean you look good in them and should wear them. Props to you, however, for getting to the gym and caring for your body.
-OK- let's get through this reading from class.....what? Hm- homegirl next to me has loud music on. Annoying. Wait! I hear double-bass. Nice! Mmmm. I wonder who she's listening to...? Maybe I can figure it out. Or I could just ask her.....ah, concentrate!
-Gosh that guy is running really fast on the treadmill. Fast like, "if-he-got-a-cramp-his-face-would-be-treadburned" fast. I'm always afraid someone's going to biff it on a treadmill!
-AH! WHY do the weightlifters just BANG their weights down like that? We KNOW you are in here to do some heavy lifting, you don't have to drop or THROW DOWN the bar after every set to try and be impressive. I can handle your huffing and puffing, and even some of your grunting, but when you throw down your weights my heart skips 5 beats because it frightens me so! Have some control!
-Oh. Homegirl's now listening to new Avril Lavigne, I can tell. *disappointed*
-That person has been watching the news during their whole workout. Good for them! I wish I could take that much interest....but here I am watching "Clueless." I wonder how many people have noticed this and are judging me... Meh.
-The sun sure does shift fast. When I started it was fine but now it's shining in my eyes. Maybe if I bend awkwardly like this for a few minutes it will get better.
-Funniest Home Videos! Major improvement! "HAHAAA!" Oh man, I just laughed really loudly. Ah, what the hey! Maybe people won't be so annoyed with me as entertained at my joy. This show is too good!
-That person must have gotten here a long time ago to have accumulated that much sweat on their back! Wow!
-That old lady really isn't using the machine correctly....I mean, she's giving it her all but that's not good technique. Oh well, love the white tennies :)
to be specific, what ministry I will do when I begin the next chapter of my life.
The world is so vast, and the problems, many;
heartbreak and sorrow around every corner,
desperate for light;
desperate for air;
desperate for hope and love.
I want to speak to that.
I want to move in the lives of people with the spirit that only God can give me.
The only problem is: I've had a Moses complex.
Moses was called to do awesome things,
but he didn't believe in himself.
He saw the task as too big.
He thought no one would listen to him.
He didn't think he was a good speaker.
He gave God EVERY reason why he SHOULDN'T be the one for the job.
But God provided.
God provided words and signs to give Moses confidence in his message.
No, said Moses. I'm not good enough. I can't even speak. Send someone else.
And God brought Aaron into the ministry of Moses- to join with Moses.
Where one was weak the other was strong.
They built each other up.
A dynamic duo.
I believe I've found my Aaron. :)
I can't thank God enough.!
The future makes much more sense now and I know, as a team, we can move mountains with God.
"1 After this the Lord appointed seventy-two[a] others and sent them two by two ahead of him to every town and place where he was about to go. 2 He told them, “The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.3 Go! I am sending you out like lambs among wolves." Luke 10:1-3
without thinking about you. I am so worried, I am so afraid.
I am purely terrified.
I've seen the pain, the laboring breaths, the strength to put on a smile. The stoic face put on when they run another test. You're exhausted. Your body does what little it can, and the doctors do the rest.
I've been cut off from you. No visitors. Sedation. What I wouldn't give for a text. To get a call and hear you speak. To know you're going to be OK.
I want to be with you. I want to be there for you. I want to be holding your hand through every procedure and every moment you're given news. I miss you and I need you. I need you to get better.
Fight the good fight. You're such a champ. I love you so, so much.
If I were a day of the week, I'd be Friday. If I were a time of day, I'd be 7:56 pm. If I were a planet, I would be Venus. If I were a sea animal, I'd be a scared to death. If I were a direction, I'd be everywhere. If I were a piece of furniture, I'd be a comfy chair and a half. If I were a liquid, I'd be a white chocolate caramel cocoa. If I were a gemstone, I would be an emerald. If I were a tree, I would be a Japanese maple. If I were a tool, I'd be a crescent wrench. If I were a kind of weather, I'd be crisp, windless and partly sunny. If I were a color, I'd be crayon green. If I were an emotion, I'd be inspired, ambivalent, or yearning. If I were a fruit, I'd be a banana. If I was a sound, I'd be purring. If I were an element, I would be adamantium. ;) If I were a car, I'd be a 1969 VW Bug. If I were a food, I'd be banana creme pie. If I were a material, I'd be sugar. If I were a taste, I'd be delectably sweet. If I were a scent, I'd be a warm, vanilla-y smell. If I were an object, I'd be a jacket. If I were a body part, I'd be the vocal chords. If I were a facial expression, I'd be laughter. If I were a song, I would be (do you really think I could mush myself into one song? Shewt.)
I have tried to imagine what it would be like to be homeless.
I've....kind of wanted to try it.
Sound crazy yet?
To voluntarily be homeless would be an adventure:
*Your life wouldn't be ruled by money
*you wouldn't be bound by a house or job
*you would consume (in all senses) so much less
*you would be so much more in tune with your surroundings and nature
*you would live every day with a certain hope and trust that you will be provided for
*you could go a lot of places, and in your own time
*you'd have to be clever, using what you've got and what you find
*you would appreciate all that you do have
*you would be, in some ways, free.
I do not wish to belittle those who are homeless or who struggle to get by-
and I hope my words are not taken as insensitive or completely ignorant:
obviously I have never truly been without a place to reside and cannot fully understand what it is like.
But I do wonder, I do consider other ways of living.
In the book "Asphalt Jesus" by Eric Elnes, he meets "Mark Creek-Water,"
a "voluntarily houseless, not homeless," man.
He drinks water from creeks, bathes in creeks, find shoes or clothing on the side of the road (or buys secondhand), walks everywhere, sleeps outdoors, shares whatever he does receive, and seems to be one of the happiest men that Elnes has encountered.
Mark's cares are vital (e.g. Where am I going to get food? Where am I going to sleep?), but they are few.
Doesn't that sound nice?
I don't know. Maybe I'm crazy.
Or maybe I'm sick of buying into wanting the "American Dream" like so many dream about.
I want to live simply and fully.
In Walden, a book that tells the tale of Henry David Thoreau going into the woods to live life straight from nature, he states:
"I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately, I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to put to rout all that was not life and not when I had come to die discover that I had not lived."