Magic and tears.

Magic and tears, all mixed up in fears

of where life will lead on.

Just a moment, it seemed, I hold you close

with wisdom and sadness, respect what you chose

And now, no words may leave my lips

or texts from my fingertips.

I miss- 

and the begrudging morning does dawn.

Lord, lead into what You have.

You just never know

where life is going to take you.
Who will draw close to your heart and who won't.
Where the next step will be.
I have dreams- will they appear?

Some people always know what they want,
sometimes down to a tee.
Getting a job has opened my eyes to endless possibilities
as well as strengths and weaknesses within myself.

My mind gets cluttered-
I'm surrounded by noise and to-dos.
I miss feeling free.
I miss expression; deep reflections of the heart.
I want to escape; but I love and fear where I am.
In life. As a person. To whom and how I relate.

My life can take endless paths.
I can imagine different ones now.
How does one realize what they want?
What is best for myself, for the world?

Will I always keep dreaming, or will I start living?

.o, when did I get so old?.

How I did not forsee

this gradual onslaught of capacity in me

that's filling up, in what seemed like brevity?

But I know that's all wrong-

years have built this on,

like the slow composition of a beautiful song

that now, finally, longs to be sung.

And I had the audacity

to go and be brave and see

where the notes may fall.

Something gives me peace and hope through it all :)

Sweetness.

Close.

Warm.

Change.

Understanding.

Light.

Hope.

Joy.

A breath of fresh air, to me and my soul.

Sweetness.

Were we exactly where we were meant to be

underneath that Christmas tree...

Toca la guitarra

I never thought I'd really be a guitar girl.
I never thought I'd be leading a worship band.

Yet here I am.

                                                              God amazes me.

Hot Mess.

These words are best
to describe a life unsettled.

The past year has been one of the roughest of my life.
And things aren't completely as I wish them to be.
I'm ok- and I'm blessed,
but I feel I can never rest until I've got control.
And of what?
For what cause?
I'd like to make some time and think of it, take pause;
but I'm running ahead whilst standing still.
I've got to move soon or I fear to turn ill.

S.

Sitting on the bathroom floor
whispering your name to darkness
tears dropping all around
there's no consolation in this town.

Not really.
No one here knew you like I did.
And I can't rid myself of all the memories we had together (I'll keep them)
We said goodbye like we'd have forever... (mistakes, I hope not to repeat them)

You saw life as humorous and serious..
Serious you.
But then you'd break into song and dance-
and with a quick glance I'd give in to chance and prance with you.

You made life contagious-
your courage sprinkled our lives outrageous.

Thank you for your care.
Thank you for the deep talks.
Thank you for the long walks.
Thank you for always being you; unique and stunning you.

I kept the bracelet, I kept the movie.
I enjoyed the food, the fishing, the gaming, the dancing, romancing,
Climbing up the snow hill and taking you to choir,
In talks of growing up and faith, you always did inspire.
I learned a lot from you.  I'm shocked to see you're gone.
But in my heart and of those you love, you surely will live on.

Such a blessing in our lives, taken too soon.
I will miss you.

"There's one more angel in Heaven, there's one more star in the sky"

I think I'll

spin. 

Just spin and see where I land.

See if I'll be caught, or picked up, or giggled at or with.

Spin because so much is a blur in life anyway.

We're counting the days away.

And I couldn't tell you the way I wish it'd go.

God's painting with the roller;

I'm praying for the fine strokes.

When there are no words

I could say

that would be honest and make things better

or I could be honest and make things worse..

How much does one keep in?

It seems I just can't win.

I want to be all I can

but circumstances call for choices I don't want to be making.

And the past creeps in silently, filling me with dread-

is it all in my head?

Sometimes I think I care too much.

Then I'm convinced I'm heartless.

Decide for me? For you? For them?

LIFE IS NOT ABOUT BEING HAPPY.

I'm not sure how I do it.

I can want and wait at the same time.

Somethin' inside me tells me it's fate-

that if it's gonna happen, it won't be late.

Some think I lack ambition

but it just strive for such a different mission.

Some goals are all full of holes;

mine are in a whole new dimension.

Intention.

I intend to be the best person I can be.
Taking life as it comes, without regret,

my words indelibly marked in your mind-

I won't waste your time.

The potential is fabulous, but you gotta grab at this

cuz the next second I'm walking

Can't understand just talking

Won't stand around gawking.

But my feet are the ones to move.

Shall I skip? Leap? Retreat?

Right now I'm just standin' still.

Proverbially tip-toeing 'round the tulips

til these two lips can utter will.

I would gladly

take a little purrer on my chest for awhile.

.adorables.

It's hard to watch

other people struggle.

Especially when you know what's up

but there's a boundary you can't cross.

When you know how to make them smile;

You know what they want-

You can guess what they need-

but their relation to you is unhealthy,

so you must bow out and simply watch

the pain

the struggle

the brokenness

...such floundering.

And all I want to do is pick up the pieces and present them in a way that could bring healing.

My heart is still here.

I can feel my pulse.

It's there

it's there...

My heart breaks

with the most beautiful sound

of having been blessed

by you, with you, for you

sister~

It breaks to be away;

it breaks every day

and God just keeps building us stronger.

[How much longer til we see each other?]

And dare I go on?

I could sputter of our kinship until a new rising dawn-

but it wouldn't get anywhere.

We're so rare, and we care, and share until no words are left

then we're enraged at the felony as time commits theft.

Then we part, both feeling bereft.

So we curse the distance!

Bless the persistence.

Praise the existence.

God lies immanent in this friendship:

Tastier than a corn chip.

Funnier than a comic strip.

More epic than a film clip.

More adventure than a plane trip.

Love ya, sis :)

KONY 2012

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4MnpzG5Sqc

Be a part of something bigger than you, bigger than me.

Be a part of justice.

Be global.

Spread hope and love.

This world is not beyond saving. We can pull together.

DO something :)

I miss my cat.

RIP Cuddles.

My 14-year-old, outdoor kitty

white with black spots, golden eyes

My lil holstein kitty.

I never want to forget:

You wandered through our garden one day during a picnic;

I picked you up.

Up you went, on top of my head,

and I wanted you for mine.

You belonged to the neighbors

so back you went,

and this 8-year-old was spent.

Too many pets, so back you came, to my arms and to my heart.

I plopped you on the couch or I plopped you on my bed, hoping we never would part.

I told you about Jesus, hoping to save your soul, hoping you'd forever live.

Oh "Christian cat," the times I threw you in the blanket, I hope you did forgive.

The time you pooped in my beanbag chair, I wasn't even mad.

The time Dad kicked you for being on the counter really made me sad.

The times you hid behind the couch for you believed the vacuum to be bad...

I miss.

Your gangly paws.

Your nonexistent meow.

Your grand "king of the jungle" stare.

I miss.

For the time you comforted when Grandma passed away.

For the times you ran through blizzards, to my arms to stay.

For the times you were beside me, while sick, you would lay.

I am thankful.

Lying in the sun, sleeping on Dad's belly, attacking the tent, chasing the baton, letting me dress you in doll's clothing, putting up with the brother spinning you on the kitchen floor, being such a gentle spirit.

I am reminiscent.

You lost a lot of teeth.

Your brain went a little fuzzy.

Randomly skipping about, and licking at nothing.

We kept you in, we kept you close,

kept you safe and wiped your nose;

until time stood still and it was time to go.

And my fondness of you will never go.

Of all the farm cats that did come and go..

you were always my cat. Part of the family. The one that stayed, survived. Thrived.

Love ya. Miss ya.

I've got vertigo

and I'd rather it not go away.

I don't hear you.

I can't see you.

You're a ghost of a fictitious past.

I gaze at the outline and wonder where that time went

why words were said

were the actions dead.

Why go back when back was wrong?

Don't get along, little doggie.

pitterpat. pitterpat. pitter. pity.

Is this hurt forbidden-

knowing, deep in your mind, the truth is perpetually hidden?

It's all messed up.

and I'm away...

Words

spoken behind backs

ya'll don't know how to act

but both putting on a face

that doesn't hint at a trace- of hurt.

You just skirt.

Skirt around the issues

and try to push away the "i miss yous"

secretly yearning for the tissues

that will comfort more than this friend.

I tell you, this doesn't have to be the end.

You're both just jaded

but instead of talking it out, you play dead.

Both hoping the other will take that leap,

putting their heart out on their sleeve

and ripping through the resentment

but you've both found apathetic contentment to just sit

and wait

for the other

to move

like the world

will wait

and the other

will do.

Something.

JUST DO SOMETHING.

HEY:

the whole world is spinning and people are needing and if you aren't outraged at SOMETHING then you need to OPEN YOUR EYES.

This world is BROKEN.

God lives IN US.

We are God's HANDS, God's FEET.

If God doesn't seem very present in our world, rethink what is written directly above.

I don't really know

what to say or do,

but I'm praying about this;

I bet you are too.