Tuesday, August 31, 2010

They're telling me I can't.

"We've tried it before"
"We don't have the resources"
"We need more leadership"
"We have chosen not to support it in the past. If you have any questions, let me know."


Have you seen how determined I am?

I have the passion.
I want to share it and teach others.
I have the resources.
I will lead.
It will try my very hardest.
I will go through the obnoxious paperwork and research.
It will be my project, my "baby."

And hey, I might fail-
but I've never wanted to do something so much like this before.
They told me there was nothing, I may have found something;
they are full of doubt and laziness-
I have to show them there is more-
this is worth it
they will love it.
I will have tried.

.drum line.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

I still sleep

with a bear.
A polar bear, to be exact.
And his name. is Berit.
(Bear-it- heh, get it?).
I have had him since I was about 6 and, let me tell ya,
he's gettin' a bit scruffy.
But I don't want to get rid of him.
(I think he has a hole in his side as well. Boo....!)

Sometimes, to lull myself into slumber, I listen to music.
But not just any kind of music, no sir.
I usually can't listen to things that I know the lyrics to-
'cause I'll just stay awake, mentally singing along in my head
or waiting for "the good parts" and what-have-you.

When I want to fall asleep quickly, I listen to metal music.
It wears me out and I usually don't know what they're saying.



Friday, August 20, 2010

It bugs me that there are

advertisements on the radio and TV that make a habit of saying things like:

"Because you deserve it"
"You owe it to yourself"
"You're worth it"

They have no idea if I deserve it.
I may not owe myself anything.
And how would they know if I'm worth it?

Silly advertisers, trying to get my business by making me feel important.
I see through your games.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Glitz and glam

make me excited sometimes.
Although, I often describe this style as "Gaga" rather than glam.
It makes such a bold fashion statement.
It's confident.
It's in your face, with class.

It wears shoulder pads like slender grandmas in the army.

Some days I like to be glam.
Other days, natural or bohemian.
One day sporty.
The other, vintage.

I love fashion.
But, strangely enough, I hate shopping for clothes...

*the mystery continues*

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

I wish I had more moments

that I cried openly about happy emotional things.
I love crying when I am happy, but it doesn't happen very often.
The only moments I can remember are:

1) my surprise birthday party
2) seeing my parents after being gone 2.5 weeks in Europe
3) seeing Fall Out Boy (my fav band at the time) live
4) a few times I have laughed so hard that I start sobbing (people become concerned on this one).

It's just, tears of happiness are awesome.
I want more.

Make me cry and you may just steal my heart.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

I love others

with whom I can go on random adventures.
That I can do stupid stuff with
and not feel at all silly.
Those people who embrace who I am.
The ones I feel completely comfortable around, even if we're just sitting around.
I slowly find the ability to trust them with myself, with my heart and friendship, and the depth is nearly bottomless.

And those people that aren't that way?
My heart opens even quicker to them;
encouraging them towards my soul.
I wish to understand why we don't completely click.
I want to know what has been different in their lives.
I wish to know, to understand, to be there.
I know I can learn something from them, that they will help me grow,
with or without knowing it.

I know everyone needs love
and my heart abounds with it.

Fear Number 1: that I take those who I am closest to for granted and don't let them know how much I really do care about them and sincerely love them for who they are.
Fear Number 2: that those who I don't instantly feel a connection with will cling to me and force their priority upon me (thus less time and energy to my closest friends).
Fear Number 3: that when this all gets to driving me crazy, I go and just think of myself and make sure I'm happy, which in turn makes me feel selfish.

Truth: I think way deep about many aspects of my life to an almost obsessive level.
Confession: I'm truly am glad I have the ability and the capacity.
Invitation: Come chat with me sometime about your life.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Complementary snacks

are always cool.
Little things to nibble on at events make me happy,
especially if they are cookies.
But I have sometimes wondered:
why do you need a napkin to eat a cookie?
They aren't exactly messy things.

Using that little piece of folded papery may make you look a bit more civilized, but you are wasting resources.

I prefer to eat my cookies without the napkin.
I. am such a barbarian.