Saturday, March 1, 2014

So often, I try to turn over a new leaf.

Start anew.

I love change, but why?
Do I fear commitment?
Can I not handle what might be in store if I wait for more?

I'm a control freak.
"Let go and let God" is a feared mantra I keep far from me.
I keep turning over leaves,
expecting to find "IT"-
but what is the IT that I'm looking for?
Soon the entire forest will be uprooted with my searching,
my yearning,
my turning over and over again,
seeking contentment.
Seeking that next "high," that next bit of satisfaction in something-

I find myself blessed.
I find myself discontent.
I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
But fearfully I falter as I look for the next hand hold
to keep me upright, for fear I might fall.
I do not seek perfection, of myself, I demand it-
and that's not right.
I ache and I yearn to find peace in this night,
and to soothe those who cannot be soothed-

but I'm looking in a mirror. All around me mirrors.
I turn and there is nothing new.

Where did the real people go?