Sunday, November 30, 2008

Common ground.

I'd never wanted to know someone was all right more.
And they are.
Things are different, but my mind is clear and can look ahead.
No worries.
No fear.
Friendship is grand.

Now I can go conquer the world.
? :)

Thursday, November 20, 2008


We all need healing, whether it be physical, emotional, spiritual. I've come to realize that there are things I really need to face in my life. Things from the past that make me see myself as I am now- things that hold me back and only hurt me... this shouldn't be.
I am a daughter of God- deeply loved and looked after. No one can judge me but my God. I need to fully accept that. As if this world can offer real truth, why do I listen? I should push forward and strive in the desires and talents my Lord has given me. Why look back? Why look around? Just go. Run full force ahead.

: ) Here are some verses that encourage me:

"The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deut 31:8

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous." Joshua 1:9

"Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed." Proverbs 16:3

"Don't let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you teach, in the way you live, in your love, and your purity." 1 Timothy 4:12

"Listen to me, you who know right from wrong and cherish my law in your hearts. Do not be afraid of people's scorn or their slanderous talk." Isaiah 51:7

"Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Don't be afraid or discouraged by the size of the task, for the Lord God, my God, is with you." 1 Chronicles 28:20

"The steps of the godly are directed by the Lord. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will not fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand." Psalm 37:23-24

"Do not let yourself become tied up in the affairs of this life." 2 Timothy 2:4

And God, "May the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord." Psalm 19:14

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Here's to the past...and the future!

"Let's all think back on what brought us here-
This is my grasp on what is real;
Don't tell me how I feel.
With all that's passed I can't relate
With myself from day to day;
why does everything seem so far away
to me?

This constant struggle isn't always in the palm of my hand."

Tuesday, November 18, 2008


Hrmph. Sometimes there are things you want but you can't have; Feelings you long for but can't express; People you wonder about but stay silent; Ideas you ponder but will never know...

Stay warm.

Stay warm.

Sunday, November 16, 2008


I miss contemplating the universe. Laying out on a blanket and discussing all of life's mysteries and phenomenon. More than anything, I love discussing faith. Look at the stars- someone put them there! I love those who are willing to be vulnerable and put questions out there. There is more to most questions and answers than we let ourselves believe. Where is your heart?

Mine's lying under the stars.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

fork in the road.

You come to a fork in the road of your life. The paths say different things. What do yours say? Mine say "job" and "travel." Can I do both? : ]

Hats off to my friend who presented me with this question.

Thursday, November 13, 2008


So November 13th (technically yesterday at this point) is To Write Love on Her Arms day. What a great idea! Don't quote me but I believe TWLOHA is a movement to show those who are suffering or downtrodden that there is hope and there is support. Self-mutilation is not needed and must stop. I don't know exactly how this organization thing, actually reaches out specifically, but I find it a beautiful thing. There is so much pressure in today's society for girls to act a certain way or fit the perfect image. The media seems to tear girls' self esteems down much more than build them up. This is a problem. Let's do something about it!

Wednesday, November 12, 2008


I miss my long hair.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008


Your parents aren't perfect, your friends do things you may not approve of, Santa *spoiler* isn't real, life is shorter than you expect, time doesn't stop for anyone and it's not always appropriate to whine. Wow.
Remember innocence? When those older than you would make a point to shelter you from all the harsh realities of life? It's sick, realizing life is different than you'd thought for so long. I know I'm mostly through that point in life (though many might disagree), but then I think- one day I'll probably have kids and have to shelter them. But how much should you keep from your children? I don't think parents should lie to their children. Truth is beautiful. You don't have to be graphic, but be honest. Which leads me to think....Santa is so lame, but so worth it.....*sigh* :P

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Internal refusal to conform to normalcy...dangit.

Confession: I think- ah screw it- I'm pretty darn sure I have a fear of commitment. I can't just meet someone, know them a couple weeks, and then date them. I can't take the chance of that person not being someone I could really see myself with in the future. I have to really, really get to know them. Then, if I believe it's really a good thing, my friends like him, my parents like him, and the stars magically align, then I may have the courage to finally say yes. Maybe. I have this disabilitating part of my personality that screams, "Don't make a decision! You may regret it!" Psychologically crippled, I believe. Sometimes I wish it would just go away so I could breathe..

Then if some guy actually has courage and is forward with me, I'm flattered, but I also tend to recede into myself. Blargh. I'm tired of hurting people with my ambivalency. Maybe I'll move to New Zealand...

You want a heartbreak?
Just whisper in my ear
and hold me near.
I'll pull you close,
then push you away-
go have a fit
cuz I can't stay.

Cuz I'm scared
of what's to come.
Will I hurt you?
I know it sounds dumb.
But that's too bad
I won't give in-
just roll the die
in games I can't win.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

enjoy Life.

Enjoy life. Feel free to be goofy at times. Let the rain drops fall on your face. Pet a cat. Stare at the clouds. Ask someone what's close to their heart. Hug an elderly person. Fly a kite. Ruffle someone's hair. Snuggle under a blanket. Tell the truth. Pray out loud. Run barefoot in the snow. Say the compliment, don't just think it. Read a book. Dance to the music in your head. Create the music in your head. Make a baby laugh. Smile because you know you can make it. Embrace others without judgment. Take a nap. Laugh at the little things, laugh at the big things. Sing like you think no one's listening. Dance like you have no inhibitions. Be authentic. Be legit. Live life; love.

I saw this photo and thought it was beautiful. I find it so intriguing that everything, in essence, is artistic.
Not only can colors, shapes and objects be art, the words are as well. I find words that speak my heart to be a blessing. I like words but can't always express my very inner core.

Vulnerablility in art touches the soul. When an artist can put it all out there for everyone to see, that's a big step. But in seeing that art, it allows others to know that they're not alone.

Words, photos, pictures, fonts, colors-- who cares. Being an open, vulnerable person is a kick-butt thing. I hope to do something such as sing my heart for a band someday. But then I think, those lyrics will be my inner-most I want everyone to see how I think and feel?


Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Hot bath.

Luxurious baths; what a great way to relax and de-stress after a long day. Just add a bit of soap, turn on the hot water and feel the water ease the muscle tension away.  Maybe play some nature-y music and just drift to another world...

Sunday, November 2, 2008

looking backwards.

I'm realizing that sometimes reading books can remind you of people you know/knew.
And that can....hurt?


Life is so broken.  It's seen everyday.  My beliefs lead me to believe that this was not the way life was supposed to be: full of death, destruction, hate, immortality, perversity, slander, malice, judgement.  How do we keep hope?

God pulls me through.  I live with joy in my heart everyday.  Though things may go wrong, though there will be bad days, I know in the end everything will be fine.  Not just fine, wonderful!  To be in God's presence will be an amazing thing.  God's love and promises give me strength to believe that I can make it through anything.  And I know God will use my gifts to reach others' lives.

Prayer: speaking directly to God.  Think about it.  That's ten billion googolplex times bigger and better than we can imagine.  The God of all creation is just a word, a song, a whisper, a thought away.  Any yet, we take it for granted.  Some never using it at all.  Why is that?

Saturday, November 1, 2008

house or home, overgrown.

 When I went home for fall break, my Grandpa showed me a picture of where my Grandma was born and where he and she had lived for 7 or 8 years.  Chipped paint, broken windows, overgrown grass, derelict machinery.  The house had been abandoned and eventually was demolished.  But it was so beautiful.  I love buildings that are abandoned and left to rot.  They have the most character.  I can imagine when the house was new.  I imagine what it was like when my Grandmother was a child.  A house holds so many's a tragic thing to rid the earth of them without another thought.
So, here's to you, Grandma's childhood home!

While you're at it, some friends showed me this video and it made me laugh a bit.  Warning: it's strange and has foul language.  Ha. Enjoy.