Monday, May 10, 2010

Death has never really scared me.

Dying painfully? Yes- but being gone? No.
I look at the world as being a whole bunch of people in this moment. Eventually everyone that I know will be gone. And people will forget me- and that's OK.
I don't feel the need to leave behind something completely epic with my name plastered all over it, because you know what?:

I will just be a name.

But I'm here now and I want to spread my love and who I am to all that will accept it.

As far as having someone close to me die: it is always sad, but I've never lost myself in it.
There has always been a hope inside of me, a hope that continually whispers:

this is not the end.

I will someday meet my Grandfather and Step-Grandfather who I never met.
I will see my grandmother (licorice) who died of a rare cancer when I was 9.
I will see my grandmother (smiley) who died of Alzheimer's just a couple years back.
I will see the friend who died in the motorcycle accident.
The neighbor who was shot.
The church member who ended it himself.
The girl I've never met, but who I feel like I know her by her memory through her friend.
The neighbor who was slowly taken by the returning cancer.

Of the very few things I regret, I regret missing the funeral of my neighbor.
She was like another mother to me; but I was at school and the distance to the funeral was too far. I heard about how lovely the funeral was and all I could do was cry. I just wanted the chance to say goodbye- to see and realize that she wasn't physically here anymore. But God is holy and mighty, and has shown that she is well and in Heaven; Oh, His great gifts!

I have hope. I have a loving hope inside my heart that does not come from myself.
I need not fear, for the Lord is with me all the days of my life. (After that, I'll be chillin' with Him. Can I get a 'woop woop!')

1 comment:

Dianne with 2 n's said...

I love my beautiful, thoughtful daughter who, at times, is more mature than I am. You have been blessed with insight and a passion for others. You are truly inspirEd in the way you view the world and everyone in it. God is good!