I have neared the point

of not wanting to sleep anymore.

My dreams are haunting me.

Reminding me of all I've missed.

Of what I want and don't want.

Of that with which I struggle and ponder too much.

They play with me; past, present, and future.

Messing with my fears and regrets.

It pressures and upsets

the equilibrium of my heart.

It is so worn down, worn out- my heart.

Like it wants a new start but it fears falling apart.

I don't want to sit and wait for the curtain to fall.

But I can't be the director, nor can I sit against the wall.

I do my best to suck it up and stand tall.

Reminding myself:

There is a season for everything.