HEY:

the whole world is spinning and people are needing and if you aren't outraged at SOMETHING then you need to OPEN YOUR EYES.

This world is BROKEN.

God lives IN US.

We are God's HANDS, God's FEET.

If God doesn't seem very present in our world, rethink what is written directly above.

I don't really know

what to say or do,

but I'm praying about this;

I bet you are too.

I could really

go with a decoder about now.

What is up with me?

I'm supposed to be happy.

Carefree.

Lovely.

But all that is...just not present.

Why?

I cannot put my finger on it/them...

"And the world keeps spinnin, and I'm still livin..."

I have to do. I have to say it:

You only get so many days

so many breaths

so many minutes

where you are now.

And every good and bad thing that is happening could change.

You could never get it back, ever.

This moment, right now, is happening. Now.

Your life is a song,

a semblance of who you are, what you value, what you long for...

are you dancing?

Singing?

Throwing rotten tomatoes?

Crying at the sound, the noise?

Are you frozen in silence or cowering in the corner?

In any state: life is beckoning;

It's not going to wait for you.

It rambles on; it is relentless in its pursuit for tomorrow.

And I can taste the passion on my tongue.

I can feel the beating of my heart.

I feel the ache in my feet from staidness in my current predicament.

I want to move on, move forward-

but I can't bear the thought of departing from where I am now.

There is so much for me here, now.

And I am/have been/will waste my time.

My heart calls for something much more than the everyday.

I can't be throwing my days away.

But there are rules to follow and games to play-

but I simply don't want a part.

I want to tear apart the every day and breathe life and give my blessings away.

God, still my heart, for a moment, for I can't handle this passion that You've placed, burning inside of me.

Fill my days with opportunities.

Let me see what are the actual priorities.

Remind me to get on my knees and pray....

because I want to live, forever, in Your Way.

There is something about

fall and winter that gets me.

It gets me good.

It gets who I am and my heart and I simply want to hold onto these seasons because...they just get me.

They let me do as I wish:

snuggling up in blankets

sipping warm beverages

basking in the warm glow of soft lights

having an excellent excuse to stay in for the night

time to watch movies and read books

to write and organize and synthesize all the things I want to accomplish that long, sunny days will one day observe.

The fall and winter are restful seasons, to me.

They embrace my inner hermit that rarely gets to express itself.

Just my closest friends will see me. And my heart will wrap around theirs in a way that "stressed me" just can't relax enough to let happen. I can find my best self in these days.

My heart finds love in many forms during these seasons.

It is inspired in fresh ways during these seasons.

Those are good enough reasons to want them around

a little longer

I must say.

I'm loving today.

clomp clomp clomp clomp clomp...

After my 2-hour workout today, I realized that I have many recurring thoughts in the gym:

-Finally here. Sometimes it's a pain to get myself here, but I always feel so much better once I'm going!

-Who is this now on the machine next to me? Don't know them. OK. No need for pleasantries and small talk. Eye contact- just give a polite smile. Now, back to burning those calories!

-Wow. That girl is all schlumped over and trying way too hard on the elliptical.

-Just because those shorts/capris were manufactured to be worn during workouts does not mean you look good in them and should wear them. Props to you, however, for getting to the gym and caring for your body.

-OK- let's get through this reading from class.....what? Hm- homegirl next to me has loud music on. Annoying. Wait! I hear double-bass. Nice! Mmmm. I wonder who she's listening to...? Maybe I can figure it out. Or I could just ask her.....ah, concentrate!

-Gosh that guy is running really fast on the treadmill. Fast like, "if-he-got-a-cramp-his-face-would-be-treadburned" fast. I'm always afraid someone's going to biff it on a treadmill!

-AH! WHY do the weightlifters just BANG their weights down like that? We KNOW you are in here to do some heavy lifting, you don't have to drop or THROW DOWN the bar after every set to try and be impressive. I can handle your huffing and puffing, and even some of your grunting, but when you throw down your weights my heart skips 5 beats because it frightens me so! Have some control!

-Oh. Homegirl's now listening to new Avril Lavigne, I can tell. *disappointed*

-That person has been watching the news during their whole workout. Good for them! I wish I could take that much interest....but here I am watching "Clueless." I wonder how many people have noticed this and are judging me... Meh.

-The sun sure does shift fast. When I started it was fine but now it's shining in my eyes. Maybe if I bend awkwardly like this for a few minutes it will get better.

-Funniest Home Videos! Major improvement! "HAHAAA!" Oh man, I just laughed really loudly. Ah, what the hey! Maybe people won't be so annoyed with me as entertained at my joy. This show is too good!

-That person must have gotten here a long time ago to have accumulated that much sweat on their back! Wow!

-That old lady really isn't using the machine correctly....I mean, she's giving it her all but that's not good technique. Oh well, love the white tennies :)

My mind is never bored :)

I was scared. But:

I've been thinking much about ministry-

to be specific, what ministry I will do when I begin the next chapter of my life.

The world is so vast, and the problems, many;

heartbreak and sorrow around every corner,

all are

desperate for light;

desperate for air;

desperate for hope and love.

-

I want to speak to that.

I want to move in the lives of people with the spirit that only God can give me.

The only problem is: I've had a Moses complex.

Moses was called to do awesome things,

but he didn't believe in himself.

He saw the task as too big.

He thought no one would listen to him.

He didn't think he was a good speaker.

He gave God EVERY reason why he SHOULDN'T be the one for the job.

But God provided.

God provided words and signs to give Moses confidence in his message.

No, said Moses. I'm not good enough. I can't even speak. Send someone else.

And God brought Aaron into the ministry of Moses- to join with Moses.

Where one was weak the other was strong.

They built each other up.

A dynamic duo.

I believe I've found my Aaron. :)

I can't thank God enough.!

The future makes much more sense now and I know, as a team, we can move mountains with God.

^"1 After this the Lord appointed seventy-two^[a] others and sent them two by two ahead of him to every town and place where he was about to go. ² He told them, “The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field. ³ Go! I am sending you out like lambs among wolves." Luke 10:1-3

Not our will, but God's be done.

.bring it.