I've come to enjoy

dressing for cold weather.

The past year or so I thought I had become a normally "warm" person,

but now I feel the need to wear more to keep myself from feeling chilled.

I think my skin tone is also better suited for colder climates.

I love my pale skin

and deep colored, warm clothes.

Some days I like to sport the "Snow Bunny" look (wow, I just looked that up on google images and that is NOT exactly what I mean, haaa).

When I think Snow Bunny, I think long sleeves, deep denim, fuzzy boots, fluffy hair, cute winter coat, scarf, gloves, ear muffs- you name it.

Ah, the Christmas season.

It makes me think of going snowboarding-

then I remember that it kind of scares me.

Dream on!

.walking in a winter wonderland.

Some people

you just can't get through to.

Misinterpreted.

The wall was up, refusing to be broken down, or even glanced over.

:

Betrayal.

Abandonment.

Inconsistency.

You are creating it. It's all in your head. It doesn't have to be, but it is forced to be.

And it's sad.

But there is more freedom in this choice for me.

And it can be an opportunity for growth for you.

This decision was not an easy one at all.

But I began to realize it wasn't because I was being considerate of another, it was because I was being ruled by another. And that is unacceptable.

Clinging to the next thing or person will continue this path.

Holding idols of wanted future things; God may rip them from you.

Though you try so hard, those things are not in your control.

I worry for your sake.

.abre los ojos.

.abre las manos.

.permite vivir.

To cross

means pain, but

to cross means progress.

I've been behind this fence so long.

Thinking so much of and for others.
It's time for me to consider moving forward.

For me.

For my life.

FOR NARNIA!

La vida.

We're born.

We go to school to gain knowledge.

We gain knowledge to get a job.

We get a job to support ourselves and be able to send our kids to college.

So they can get knowledge.

So they can get a job and support their families.

What a nasty cycle.

I do and don't want a part in it.

There are some days I just want to become a gypsy.

I'd float from place to place

meeting a lot of cool people

living frugally

not worrying about paying a heating bill

or getting the oil changed in the car

or investing money.

Just- live day to day.

Actually trust God for once.

moneymoneymoney, I spit on you.

..Then I wipe it off :(

I'm such a product of the system.

This is the first year

that I have gotten in the Christmas spirit

simply to lift my mood and help me push through.

I listen to carols.

I decorate.

I daydream of a warm, cozy house with a lit up tree.

I look forward to spending time with my brother, parents, and friends.

I am making a list of things to do during break. I must make the most of it.

It will be excellent.

It must, it must.

.although it's been said many times, many ways: merry Christmas...to you.

Good-bye Larry.

You were a good uncle.

I won't forget how you mowed your lawn in such straight lines

Or built that target for us kids to practice throwing a football through

That you loved gardening so much

That you were usually quiet, but when you did speak it was kind or funny

That you loved the 'tube

Your suspenders.

Nov, 29th, 2010.

R.I.P. Rest with Jesus.

Hmmm.

hmmm.....

What to do,

what to do.