There's so much

that I feel I may not be getting right as of late.

My life is a bit messy.

Things, a bit tangled.

But there is beauty in it.

I can't just give up.

There is beauty.

Without really having a better way to explain it..

my heart is soft right now.

It's delicate and engaging, flurried but expectant.

I am reaching up, reaching out.

My fingertips search to the hidden corners of life

searching for sustenance and finding overwhelming grace.

I am broken,

beautiful,

bewildered,

and blessed;

and right now- I'll take it.

With my ladies, we spell it out:

Get it straight.

Don't play.

It's these kind of days that

I'm getting away for the weekend.

Back to old friends

to some that have known me since before preschool.

I need to mingle with those who have helped shape who I am today

I want to let them know how I am growing and changing

I want them to know what I'm struggling with

I want to know who they are becoming and how I can still be a sincere and loving part of that.

I miss them.

I miss people who I understand and who understand me and have so much respect shown all around.

So it's off to Lessdramaland :)

Praise. God.

There just aren't

a ton of people who really know me.

And it's partially my fault, I know.

My life is pretty much an open book

but if someone doesn't ask,

I feel silly just talking on and on about myself.

Here's a hint though:

I really love people.

I do.

Though I feel like I have little time to really invest in others-

I find every individual fascinating.

Even if they rub me the wrong way,

my heart still finds beauty in who they are. I can't help it.

It takes so much to turn me away from somebody.

And even then, in time I'd want them back in my life.

Silly, right?

Wreckless.

But I do want.

It makes my life messy.

And my closest friends don't always get why I accept and hang out with who I do-

and that's OK.

I've grown weary vying for approval; it's time to be realized that that isn't a priority of mine.

.hearts.

Ah,

sweet and sad agreement.

But who knows what the future may hold,

what lies ahead, with stories untold?

I hold my head high and keep my words bold.

I smile and dance

and go on and sing

and I still, joyfully, keep on living

because, what more can I do?

But it was fun, knowing you.

I dance

because I don't know what's going on.

I step, I roll, I spin, I shake

I do whatever is takes

to calm this soul;

life takes its toll.

I let loose

because the crazy movement is all that's making sense.

I'm tired of the worrying, of feelin' tense.

Patience is a virtue...and I'm doin' my best.

do. want. mosh.

St. Patrick's Day

always feels a bit bittersweet for me.

Irish, my family believes, is the biggest portion of our heritage.

We moved over from Ireland during the potato famine.

I certainly look Irish- and I love it when people point it out :)

I just wish that I could travel to Ireland- immerse myself in the culture and explore my roots.

I love thinking of how green it is over there

and hearing how friendly the people are.

*sigh* someday...

Don't take another step further.

I'm exhausted with the arguing

the debating

the delving into minute details to the point that we don't even remember what we're arguing about.

I can't take it.

The worst side of me comes out.

Iwanthertogoaway. I can't stand that side of me.

What pushes me to that limit?

Something is wrong.

Something has always been wrong.

And it's neither of us.

And neither of us believe it.

I want to take so much back.

But I can't.

I regret the words, but I also don't.

I step forward, then think better of it.

I am stepping on egg shells

of the most delicate variety.

It may just be better to stand still for awhile.

They say

eyes are the windows to the soul.

There is nothing I like better

than some twinkling eyes in my life.

This happens when we smile so big that it reaches our eyes,

when we are filled with wonder,

when we we laugh from our bellies,

when we experience love,

when we are sparked by an idea,

when we find hope,

when there is something more than we imagined that brings us joy.

There the twinkle makes itself known so inconspicuously.

In that moment, I see peoples' hearts shine through.

In that moment, I see the anxieties melt away.

I see the freedom and joy that I only wish all could experience on a daily basis.

I know that person feels something...and it is good.

Shine through.

.this little light of mine? i'm gonna let it shine.

Understanding.

Words.

So powerful

so beautiful

so enriching

so dangerous

too easily taken the wrong way.

Unlimited potential for growth or destruction.

Think it through.

Hear me out.

Think it through.

Let me know.

.careful.

Use your words, girl

because hearing your thoughts and opinions secondhand

is getting really old.

You hurt me more by holding it back

than by dishing it out.

I know you want out-

I want out too-

But I'm not dead.

This situation now has fresh wounds.

And I just wish you'd give me a chance to explain rather than discussing it all behind my back.

You're better than that.

Don't worry- I still love you.

There may be something there that wasn't there before...

I think of wishes, I dream dreams

I pray for you but also for me:

I want to be what you want

I want to be what you need

but I'm still unsure of what that will be.

I have not run away

like old tales would tell

something lets me stay

something deep as a well.

I wait, I ponder, I search, I miss,

but I have hope through all of this.

You amaze me daily.

But you don't give yourself a break-

this seems much more than one man can take.

So I walk beside and hope to be

what you're wanting

what you're needing

what you'll wait for as life figures itself out.

I'm here.

I'm here.